Reflections and updates on life.
Dark Days
The dark is getting to me this year—persistent, cold, bitter. But, I’ll be damned if I let it stop me.
Still Here
It’s hard to believe I have cancer. Four years ago I had a port implanted in my chest and started chemotherapy. Four years later, I’m still here. I’m still on chemotherapy. It still feels surreal. Nonetheless, I am here. I joked with my dermatologist that I’ve had cancer for as long as it takes to…
Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month: My Story and Advice
It’s colorectal cancer awareness month. I haven’t “celebrated” this month in the past as I’ve been dealing with resentment and anger that held me back from believing anything could be done. But I’ve done a lot of work and feel ready to share my journey in hopes that it may help others. My most significant…
Gratitude
Another milestone approaches, one I’d never thought I’d reach: my fiftieth round of chemo. Honestly, I thought I’d have left cancer well behind me by this point. There’s a small chance I have; there’s many chances I haven’t. I’m choosing a practical optimism at every opportunity I get, but to be honest, it’s difficult to…
The New Year and Now
December had been coming to a close with a glow of optimism. In the final weeks of 2024, I had a CT and MRI scan. I expected good results, given that September’s tests showed an excellent response to the new drugs I was on. My continued skin problems should have been a sign that the…
New Year, New Me?
As I write, the turning over of the Gregorian clocks is looming closer. Many of us will write resolutions or tuck them away in our heads as another thing to do and accomplish this coming year. The resolutions will run the gamut of creative accomplishments, travel, relationship goals, self-improvement, and wellness aspirations. The latter is…
Thanks-giving
I’ve returned from a short birthday “vacation,” full of waterfalls, cedars, and lakes. Although side effects from my current chemo regime afflicted me, Rod and I were able to enjoy the peaceful days together (except maybe the part where I took us up a daunting service road in our tiny civic to see a cedar…
Grieving
Swimming was an escape for me during a couple particularly traumatic events in my childhood—a house fire and the sudden loss of my father. It was the only place I didn’t talk much about my life, allowing me to simply exist. Being in the water felt stabilizing in those tumultuous times, and I insisted on…
Identity
So, I see how I have been shaped by every experience that has brought my consciousness here, and no one else shares that. This experience—reaching back to eternity—makes a self so incredibly unique and at once impossible without the whole.
Surgery
I had surgery on October 14th. The surgeons removed the tumors in my colon and from the left side of my liver. Recovery has been slow and challenging: Tubes, pokes, and hospital misadventures. So many tubes. Tubes that send pain relief through my spine, one that carries out urine, another that drains my stomach, a…
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Kat Dornian 